Two Questions for the Questioner
Dear Questioner,
Do you have some pointers for getting along with people you hate, a.k.a. awkward annoying coworkers, lame in-laws, or loud and obnoxious neighbors?
Signed,
Punchy
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Dear Punchy,
Smother people with kindness. If some asshole is super rude to you, be really nice back. That’s like asshole kryptonite.
Annoying co-workers are easy. Don’t be accommodating. Stare at them with a blank expression, fight the urge to feign interest, and don’t fake laugh at stupid jokes. If you’re quiet, they’ll go away. And when they do leave, smile a little.
Answer lame in-laws with brief responses in a normal voice (not a false, high-pitched, “I’m happy” kind of voice); and act disinterested in mindless chatter.
Don’t waste your breath arguing with loud neighbors. Call the cops (if they’re students, definitely call the University). Sure, we’ve all urinated on the doors of dumb-ass neighbors or argued over fireworks when we were clearly out numbered, but aren’t we a little older now? Fighting is weak and arguments are futile.
Try not to hate people, and remember: reserve your anger for the revolution.
The Questioner.
So here’s the deal: I met this guy on-line.
Okay, it’s not as risque as the above sentence suggests.
…He’s an octogenarian. Who in the 1950s did some incredible shit in the Arctic Circle, working as a civilian member of the DEW Line installation team (the DEW Line was the first line of defense…in case Russia lobbed missiles at us over the North Pole; I know - what a STUPID plan; why would our government waste so much money on something so foolish?).
So he and his wife live in the DC area. And I’m in northern New England. And I’ve wanted to fly down to meet him and interview him for a possible based-on-true-life story since I first heard about his life last year.
And I applied for grants: but received no money.
And I’d already gotten this OTHER hair-brained idea to bring a student videographer or two with me so I could produce a short documentary too.
And now I’ve gone and booked a B&B cottage for our weekend stay in a couple weeks, paying for it out of my pocket, meaning we drive my car the ten hours to save money, and giving us only one day to spend with the guy and his wife, and to meet his daughter (who is probably about my age).
And now I’m having, well, not exactly cold feet, but fear: that one-day is NOT enough time to spend with him. And that maybe I’m dragging my students along for a ride for nothing, since I’ve only communicated with him via his daughter through e-mails. And while I have reams of fascinating info here, I’m thinking: maybe I should just hop a cheap Southwest flight down, stay in a less-expensive room in the B&B, and spend a couple days with he and his wife, taking my own notes. Maybe even buy a tape recorder, or some sort of voice hook-up for my iBook or iPod, if they have such a thing. (Hello–I think they call it a microphone….)
But what if the initial video tape would be best? Should I just stay with plan A and drive down with students (plus a wife of one of the students)?
Oh: and the kink — I planned this while my daughter was away in Cali visiting my family, but she just flew back last night so my hubby is nervous with him having to work Friday and Monday–leaving our two teens alone at home–with me possibly being on the road then.
Okay. Shake your Magic Eight Ball. And tell me what I should do. Please!
Signed,
Near penniless & nervous writer who sometimes creates too much drama, worries way too much, and who is often prone to bouts of hyperbole…
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Penniless & Nervous,
I believe you already have the answer: Go alone, stay in a dumpy motel, and if need be, go old school and hand write everything. Start simple, and use what you have. Then apply for some grants. But don’t start by trying to get $25,000 worth of free money. Look for the smaller $1,500 humanity grants. Show them you’re serious by doing shit loads of work. Once you get a few of those under your belt apply for the kind of money that will pay for a limo, a film crew, a 5 star motel, dinner, booze, a Victorian dress and a pet monkey.
Here’s another idea: instead of a videographer you could bring a photographer to get one good shot for a 2-3 page magazine article. You could juxtapose that photo with an older black and white photo of the dude on his base from the fifties. Then get a map of Russia the North Pole and North America with a dotted line showing the possible line of a missile attack. Boom! you’re published (I’d read it). I’m thinking Time, The Economist or National Geographic. Who knows, maybe even Boy’s Life (if you could tie in something about a cub scout named Steve ending the Cold War)? Anyway, once your story is published you could get the attention you need.
Remember, great projects take time.
-The Questioner
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