No seriously, this is secretly and not so secretly, one of my favorite topics. Monagamy. Americans and Marriage. Fidelity. Affairs. It is rare that many people want to speak truthfully about this topic, and by truthfully, I mean personally. Myself included..

I disagree on the basic general assumptions that it is worse for a woman to have an affair than a man. I disagree that *most women do not like to have sex.

As a child of a parent who has had an affair, I have a strong opinion on the damage it can do to families.

As a friend of a friend who has had an affair, I have strong feelings on the uncomfortable position it puts others in.

As an American, I have very strong feelings on our country’s demands on what a marriage/commited relationship should be.

As a recently engaged, soon to be married, about to commit forever or as long as possible, I also have very strong feelings on all these ideas, but on the completely opposite side. I am an idealist. On my top five hobby list it includes:

1. Sex
2. Food
3. Entertainment with a general combination of #’s 1 & 2
4. Books (which kind of counts as #3)
5. Outdoors and a combination of one of the four above.

I probably should have been born a man. Just sayin.

What drives either sex to want to have an affair? I can name one hundred things off of the top of my head. The question is not, what drives one toward an affair, but in this country, in our current mindset, if there is ever an “acceptable” reason for one. See as a daughter, sister, friend I can tell you I am opposed. As a human, woman, and partner, I am not opposed. This makes me a hypocrite. I should tell you now, that I have never had an affair.

I think that the word “affair” brings up a much larger issue surrounding the ideology of love and commitment. There is an interesting book, “Against Love: A Polemic” by Laura Kipnis that discusses all of this more substantially than I am able to convey.