Hysteria-And-Death-Induced Ramblings
As you know I missed last month’s deadline, so some of this shit is dated.
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30. Thirty. Twenty-ten. No matter how it’s written, it still looks old.
I don’t feel old — well that’s a lie — but I don’t feel any older than I did a couple weeks ago. The main problem with thirty is that it’s a milestone year. Thirty is a year where you should be able to look back and say, “Wow! The twenties were a good time, but I am glad they are over.” It’s not really a what-have-I-accomplished milestone because, out of the thirty years on this planet, maybe five have been get-something-accomplished years. When I am 40 — I just threw up in my mouth a little — I want to look back and say I accomplished something.
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iPods are cool, but are they killing music? My point is most people load up their iPods with their dollar songs, usually just one or two songs of an album, but that’s not how the songs were meant to be heard, right? At least, that’s how it used to be. Now, I am not a music expert, so please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but when artists put together their albums, don’t they chose their songs and their position on the album? That’s part of the experience. Maybe I am just nuts.
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Here is my take on the Boston hysteria concerning the light brites.
Laws, statutes, bills or really anything done by our legislators should be the rules enacted by the morals and ethics of the majority of the society to protect and keep order of those people. Now, there is a law called the Hoax-like Device Statute, and it is a specific-intent crime. It contains the words “whoever shall knowingly place†which means that they have to intend it to be viewed as a bomb. These guys were not doing it to cause any bomb-like panic. Also if 5 million people walked past these things and only 1 person thought it was a bomb, I guess that would mean the majority thought it was safe.
Now, I do not fault the Boston Police because once this is called in, they have certain procedures they have to follow and they did follow them to a tee. I guess my problem is either with the person who called it in or the terrorists for causing that person to call in.
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This is a response to Kyle and his TV smugness. There are channels, such as IFC and the Sundance Channel, that have some really good movies and stuff on them. They also have some movies that are not so good, Like Buffalo 66, which was so mind numbingly bad that I wanted to shoot myself and have Vietnam-like flashbacks anytime I see either the word “buffalo” or the number 66. Anyway HBO is the saving grace of TV and I am not talking the movies they play: HBO’s documentaries and original programming turns watching TV into an event, rather that just being something to do just to pass time.
This is my list of what I watch:
- HBO: Rome and Extras on Sunday; Def Poetry on Friday (when they decide to put it on); but I will watch anything HBO throws out there: documentaries such Bastards of the Party are great.
- Discovery channel and all the Discovery-like channels, because I like to be reminded that we are all going to die, whether by a super volcano (Yellowstone — all 50 square miles — is the caldera of a volcano ) or an asteroid (in 2029, one will fly pretty close and if it hits a particular “gravitational keyhole,” it will be set-up to hit us in 2037) or the bird flu; but regardless of how it happens, Discovery and its ilk reminds that something is gonna get us.
- Sports, but only if the Celts/Sox/Pats are playing, although if the Suns are on, I seem to get drawn in by Steve Nash and his ability to dribble and dribble and dribble and then not play any defense yet still be the MVP.
- Shows like Flip This House and crap like that on Home Improvement, plus the occasional cooking show.
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My idea to make the world a better place would be to put a .01 cent federal tax on gas, then take that money, and use it to develop ways to keep us from killing the planet. I know there is already a tax, and I know that gas is expensive. But well, there is no way to stop us from killing the planet, but maybe with that money we could slow it down.
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A man walks into a doctors office… Sounds like the beginning of a joke right? Well last month, I had to go in for my physical. You know, the typical take-some-blood and all that jazz. Well, about a week later I get a letter in the mail wanting me to call the doctors office. I think nothing of it and give them a call. I tell them I got the letter and they ask what did it say? There were two choices: 1. call to discuss your results, 2. call to make an appointment. Well I wasn’t sure what mine said, so the nurse has me wait while she checks my records.
Now this is as best as I can remember it what took place.
Nurse:Ok, Mr. Kinney, let me check your records.
Hold music for a couple minutes.
Nurse: Ok, Mr. Kinney, I am looking at your records and…ah…you’re going to need to make an appointment to see the doctor.
Me: What?
Nurse: The doctor needs to talk to you about your results.
Me: Um OK. I have an appointment in a couple weeks. Can we discuss them then?
Nurse: No, the doctor is going to want to see you sooner then that. How about Monday at 2:30?
(This is on Thursday and I usually have to wait a month or so when I make an appointment)
Me: Ahhh, sounds good I guess. Is there something you can tell me?
Nurse: No, we are not allowed to talk about these things over the phone.
Me (half kiddingly): Am I going to die?
Nurse: The doctor just wants to discuss the results.
Me: Great, I’ll see you Monday. Three days from now.
So for the rest of the day Thursday, I start the process of preparing myself for death. Well, long story short, I harassed the doctor’s office Friday until they told me the truth: my cholesterol was a bit high and my liver had some elevated levels, but I had nothing to worry about. So now I haven’t eaten red meat in what seems like a year and have eaten more fruits/veggies than ever before.
Life is precious and all it takes is one night of thinking you’re gonna die for you to realize it.