From He Cooks. She Stews. It’s Love.: “True, life with an alpha cook can mean sitting back and watching while someone else prepares restaurant-quality wild mushroom risotto on a quiet Tuesday night. But it can also mean putting up with small culinary humiliations and an unending patter of condescending remarks.”
Dawn and I are co-cooks (no alpha, no beta here), but Stumpy, for his example, his wife doesn’t cook at all. Since most of you fuckers out there are married now, here’s a question for ya? Who does most of the cooking in your house?
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Ah yes, cooking. We cook together. It wasn’t always so (because I’m a perfectionist. i.e. pain in the ass) but we have found our groove and we are both good cooks. Some things are set in stone as far as jobs go, like I always cook the shrimp and he always washes the cast iron pans. Strange.
I just read the article..this was a funny quote:
“Couples cooking together is probably the second leading cause of divorce next to home renovations.â€
And so let me clarify, I AM an alpha cook, but I have learned to control my outlandish urges at yelling over the way he chops garlic (because believe me, I have). No I don’t yell, if I think it’s crazy that he is making the carrots round instead of square, I will just walk away. Just walk away.
I’m all about Jess’s feelings. I want to be the cook, therefore I cook. Shit’s gotta be done right, stuff has to finished at the same time, temperature is a must, and size of veggies…THE SIZE OF FUCKING VEGGIES?! That shit is important. But Deb is a good cook to, I’m just a better manager. Micro-manager.
I have an issue here, I will usually get a phone call on my drive home from work (maybe an email as I’m leaving the office, saying “what time will you be home” - of course, I’m affronted at such a dive into my private life, so I always (without fail) ask “why” - and she will say because she is about to start making dinner….so, I relent, I mean who doesn’t want dinner waiting for them when they get home.
So I tell her a time and invariably (INVARIABLY!!!) I walk in the door at that time and is dinner ready? - No sir, its not, in fact its usually about 25% ready and all of the tasks that my lovely bride to be doesn’t want to do are laid for me, so I walk in the door after a hard days work (arduous even) and instead of sitting down and beginning a meal that I’m guessing will be waiting for me (based on said phone call) I walk into a kitchen with various menial tasks left for my attention.
I guess my point is, when you are the “alpha” cook and you are trying to include your partner in the wonderful cooking process, be careful that you don’t just regulate the things you hate doing (chopping, boiling, etc) to the “beta” cook….(especially when you ask them to do it before you even say “hello” or “how was your day”….
I’m suprised its not the first leading cause of divorce.
What happened to the 50s
Get ready for marriage Adam.
He might not have to after that post.
Nicole does the cooking, I make mean smoothies. I can cook its just she is better at it.
I can cook breakfast like a champion breakfast cooker at a breakfast cook-off, cooking breakfast for first prize. My specialty is a Fritatta, but I can make an egg anyway; poached, hard boiled, soft boiled, over easy, over medium, sunny-side up scrambled you name it. And my home-fries have been known to soil shorts…
I’m definitely an alpha cook and the bitch better recognize or she’s liable to be slapped with the baguette or fuck’n punched in the face.
ALPHA!
Dave, you alright? Please stick to drawing and keep the violent jokes in your private journal, huh?
I apologize to all of those that were offended.
My humor is uncalled for at times. Sadly, I would even say that that remark was a PG version of what I was thinking.
I live alone. My dinners are cooked in silence. That’s the truth.
On the other hand. In defense of my comment. I bet if you heard Chris Rock say that, or Samuel L. Jackson, you’d probably laugh.
Haaaaaaa…I thought it was funny. Wait let me clarify, IT WAS FUNNY.
don’t encourage me… - or i’ll like… - you know… - tell a story with eight c words in one sentence and write poems about bondage gear and how i want a woman to wear high heels and jog in place on my private parts while i’m being fed my own feces…
bondage gear, always necessary for a good story.
Alpha cooks rule! Keep those Betas out of my kitchen! And Adam, be careful what you write here…now she has a record and amunition for later use…
soon you will learn…
NOW GET COOKING!