I am not a cat person. I wonÂ’t apologize for my bluntness: I really am not a cat person. Nor am I a spider person, blood-oozing-from-body person, fast-food person, children person, bodily-functions person, snow person, rain person, beer person, or slimy-thing person. I am a lover of none of those things, but most especially, I am not a fan of still-breathing felines. To put it lightly, they create huge blemishes on the complexion of my comfort zone, large obnoxious blots of anxious irritation.
I am going to assume that by now you are either lightly chuckling at my outlandish truth or your mouth has dropped open in distaste for my lack of compassion towards humanity. I will tell you, however, it is not compassion I lack. I cried during The Notebook; I have told children bedtime stories; and I will try my hardest to refrain from laughing when you fall on your ass. I have cared for “things.” I once owned three big fish. And I am not reproducing because I can acknowledge that I am a selfish person who needs to lavish all of my attention on myself. Out of everyone, it is I who understands the need for compassion in this world.
Wanna know why I am not a cat person? I’ll say it. I’m not afraid. I was a victim of feline violence. Yes, yes I said it. I am not sure if this form of violence is well known or understood, but it can make you hate cats the way a victim of gun violence hates guns. When I was younger, my sisters thought it would be funny to throw the family cat on me to see what happened. Let me tell you: If a cat is unexpectedly thrown at you, you will, without a doubt, squeal, yell, and flail body parts. The cat being thrown will respond in a similar manner, except with the added claw factor. It was funny to my sisters the first time, and the second, and the third, ad infinitum. This once common occurrence has slaughtered any notion that I might, one day, become a cat person.
The boy I love brought a cat home last week. She is a feisty feline of the worst kind and she hates me. I promise. I promise she hates me. I know by the gleam in her eye when heÂ’s not around, the way her claws reach a little closer each time to my leg, the way her body looks ready to pounce if IÂ’m sitting to close to him.
She scares me.
I am not a cat person. But now I must make a choice: Do I fight back with my claws or do I attempt to bond to this “thing”? Can I share my world with this scrawny-purrs-and-whines-all-too-much female?
I really am not a cat person.
Now IÂ’m going to try to be.
38 Comments
“I have cared for ‘things.’…I am not reproducing because I can acknowledge that I am a selfish person who needs to lavish all of my attention on myself.”
Is that your way of saying that, by not having a child, you demonstrate compassion for your never-to-be-born child? Because of the non-existence of the child, is that the same as me saying I have compassion for the plight of unicorns?
i can’t hate on the cat…
they’re clean… - they don’t bark… - they don’t have to be taken out to piss and shit every two hours… - they don’t slobber… - they’re usually not as clumsy as a dog… - they don’t beg at the dinner table… - they don’t have that stupid look in their eye like a dog usually does… - their fur isn’t as stank like a dirty dog… - they don’t smother you and leave your hands and clothes smelling like ass… - they’re way smarter than dogs… - cats are careful when it comes to a cup of liquid on a table where as a dog would knock that fucker down when it barrels into the table going forty miles an hour all happy with poop falling out of its swollen ol’ poop maker and acting all “huh”? while they plop the brownies all over the rug with the piss all dribbling out and acting like they did a good thing while they stare at you with those foggy eyes all semi-crossed and clueless…
yeah… - cats are where it’s at when it comes to a pet…
Cats suck. I am sorry to say this as I know that just about everyone on here has one.
Cats are a step up from reptiles and fish on the could care less about their “owners” scale. If your house was burning down do you think your cat would give two shits if you burned up or do you think it would save its own ass and find a way out? If someone was came into your house and started to hit you with a bat would your cat use its claws and help you? No it would sit its ass on top of the fridge and probably take a nap. Cats purr to get you to keep petting them, not to show that they like you. Not all dogs beg at the table and not all cats shit and piss where they should.
Next time a cat shows the abilty to understand over 200 words let me know then I will agree on the cat being is smarter.
http://www.tripswithpets.com/09_06_dogintelligence.asp
I used to be in the same boat, Justin, until we got Oonagh, and even then, I wasn’t immediately sold. We had her for like a month before we had to make the decision to keep her, and on the day we had to make the decision, I was like, “Uh-uh. Get this wild, conspiratorial cat out of my house. She’s crazy and she hates me and I want nothing to do with her.” But then I grew up and realized that Dawn really wanted her and that it was time for me to get over my hatred of cats.
By the end of the day, I was in love with the cute little furball. I’m still not crazy about cats in general, but the more I get to know Oonagh, the more I begin to understand that cats are not general, species level things. They are individuals, with their own personalities, quirks, and interests. To say that one hates “cats” has become…in my mind…the equivalent of being a racist, because you’re judging a whole population of individual cats on an unfair stereotype; you’re not giving each cat the opportunity to make an impression on its own.
So, don’t hate on cats. Karmically, it’s just not cool.
They’re walking house plants, they’re afraid of two year old’s who only want to play with them or check them out…a dog will lay on the floor and let the two year old climb all over him, pull on his ear, attack a stranger if they try to take the two year old…YEAH DOGS! :-)
I have had “owned” more cats growing up then you might in your lifetime. My sister loves them, even though she has serious allergies to them. I have had house cats (only inside never go out) inside/outside cats (no explanation needed) and tom cats (usually only inside the house during the winter months when warm you will only see them every couple weeks) by far the best were the tom cats. The would prowl the forest around the house for deer mice and what not all the while having to watch out for predators. It always seemed cool.The problem was they would get pregnant and before you knew it you had an army of these things around your house coming and going whenever they wanted. They mostly slept in one of our barns and it was really the first time I felt bad for animals when in the fall they did not come back. I would like to think that they found a nice cave and became a huge civillized cat population in canada. Probably they were killed and eaten by a coyote, wolf or whatever.
I understand that they can seem like they are different and as kittens they seem to like you more. When the cat is like 2 the only time you will notice it is when it is sitting on your chest while you are sleeping sucking the life out of your lungs
Not my Oonagh! She loves us, and she’ll always be the sweet little cat that she is now. Just like Shannon is never going to give Shawn a hard time when she’s older.
hmmm… - i don’t think i’ll ever need lassie to pull me out of a burning building… - nor… - would most dogs even volunteer to do so… - yeah… - there’s a chance if you train it to… - but… - while the dog is dragging you out and gets burned in the ass… - it’s liable to bite your face off or just yelp and run off with a flaming tail…
and… - i don’t think i need a dog to bite an intruder when he/she intrudes upon the territory… - i’ll bite the fucker myself… - or… - point a gun at their privates and hold them hostage until the cops come… - is having a dog worth all of the trouble it is to maintain or care for the dog? - in a loving sense… - if you love dogs… - then yes… - if you have a dog for security purposes or to teach it to sniff out your mom’s cocaine… - to each his or her own… - frankly… - most dogs only know how to sit - lie down - come over - wait in angst while you put a milkbone on its nose while it salivates until you say it’s time to eat it - fetch (maybe) - and be all cute…
dogs may be USEFUL when it comes to sheep herding on brokeback or for police brutality… - but… - it’s only naive to think that dogs are smarter than cats just because they’re tapped into the human experience in the most primitive way possible… - cats are beyond our lousy pointings… - “do that”… - “go get me shit”… - fuck that… - cats are way more intellectual… - quiet… - but… - they’re thinking…
my cats are definitely smart… - they know the sound of their food hitting the bowls… - i can flick a playing card across the room and they’ll jump and try and catch it… - they come when i call… - when i pet them… - yes… - they purrrr… - but… - they’ll take part in the petting by licking my hand or trying to play with it… - what does a dog do when it gets pet? - it’ll lick it’s slimy long tongue all up on my grill… - not cool…
don’t get me wrong…
i love a dog… - just as long as it’s not mine…
what the crap? - i can’t see my comment…
does anybody see my second comment? - the long one with the sheep herders? - i cain’t see it…
I can.
Nope I see your first one.
it’s not letting me put it up again because it says that that comment was already submitted…
Kyle might have to approve it
eek… - censorship???
so how come these aren’t being censored?
You better hope he agrees with you.
I have posted shit and it said “waiting moderation” or some shit like that before it went up
Maybe because they are short
uh oh…
Its times like this that shows why we have the highest post counts.
Yes, yes it does.
Posts that include more than two links automatically go into the “Awaiting Moderation” section so I can make sure they’re not spam.
As for Dave’s comment, our spam-protection system thought it was spam, so I had to go in and mark it as Not Spam. I think it had to do with Dave’s crazy punctation, but who knows.
(Oh, for those who came after Dave’s comment got recovered…sorry for the “where’s my comment” thread)
word’m on up…
NUmber 1 kyle are you able to erase some of my posts?
NUmber 2 there have been many cases where dogs have warned people of fire, fewer where they dragged people out of the fire, without training.
I am glad you think you can bite a person with a bat or whatever but dogs no matter how small for the most part will try to protect their owners where cats could care less. This is not a question of smart but a question of what the animal will do to help its owner. You could give you cat away tomorrow and your cat would probably not notice as long as he is fed.
My dog runs to her bowl when she hears food being poured in, actually she knows what time she gets fed and will meet me there. Your cat chases shit, sweet so does my dog. Doesn’t make one smarter then the other.
Just because cats walk around thinking they are superior to everyone else does not make them smarter. Like I said show me a cat who has done anything like that dog until then no one can convince me dogs are not smarter
cats can ride a unicycle while juggling sparklers… - just ask siegfried or roy…
Hey if you whip anything enough….
Cats rule.
End of discussion.
Hey, why all the comparisons between “cats” and “dogs”? Didn’t you guys read my comment above, where I said makes no sense to speak specifically of such a general topic? It’s like saying Catholics suck, or the Vietnamese suck. Shit just don’t make sense. Some cats suck, some cats are cool. Some dogs suck, some dogs are cool. Get over it.
Its not the same. The human species is varied enough that making blank statements makes little sense. Cats tend to be like other cats and dogs tend to be like other dogs because of their instincts. They do not have the ability to self reflect and can not vary too much from one another. You might think your little kitty is different from others and in a way she is but not enough where they can not be all grouped together.
hey…
i said i done loved all of them doggies there…
I hear what you’re saying. It’s like the way white people are more self-reflective than savages. I’m with you.
Good luck, Jess. I applaud the effort.
We have two cats:
One is of the “I don’t know how to retract my claws” school of thought. She meows constantly. But fetches and brings back toys like a dog.
The other humps wool sweaters or blankets, pretty much every day . He hisses at the little one constantly. But will smack you if you are a stranger that walks right up to him like he wants you to touch him.
My old dog, Bishop, could run through the house and find his collar when he was asked to. He also dragged large rocks around the yard with his front paws while yelping. He would only pause to lay down and lick the dirty rock passionately.
To me, the only thing these animals have in common is this: I have handled all of their pee and poop, and fed them regularly. That’s what we’re supposed to do as their owners. If a dog or cat act like they’re better than us, good for them. They were once wild and are now domestic. So it is our job to toil away in their litter or train them to eat out of the small bowl in the corner but not the big bowl under the sink filled with bones and banana peels. One is not better than the other, it’s a personal thing. Cat’s are alright, if you like them. So is Kyle.
panki!
I take issue with this comment from Kyle.
“I used to be in the same boat, Justin, until we got Oonagh, and even then, I wasn’t immediately sold.”
Presumably Kyle is referring to his dislike for cats and affection for the obviously smarter dogs. I think everyone here remembers Kyle and his ‘love’ for dogs. My recently departed Basset Hound ‘Baggins’, all 16 vertical inches of him scared Kyle so badly he nearly peed himself.
I wasn’t talking about cats in relation to dogs. I was talking about cats, solely. I used to hate cats.
As for my relationship with Baggins, see my comment on your post.