This Is It: Ground Zero
And I’d like to say a few words to mark the occasion.
When reading or watching a “feature” about a successful person (notably someone creative), I always anticipate the same moment, that moment in the arc of their life that represents “hitting bottom.” It often involves an incident related to drugs or alcohol, usually coupled with severe depression. But inevitably, the person (when looking back) will always recognize that moment as the critical moment. Almost as if they wouldn’t have been able to succeed without first experiencing this complete failure.
Is this a natural arc? Is it really important — critical, even — to experience what it feels like to lose everything before one is ready to take the risks necessary in life? Sometimes I buy into this concept and wonder what it would take for me to lose everything. And that only when there is nothing left to lose, that only then….will the most important decisions in life be made.
I probably spend more time than most thinking about those moments and what it feels like to have that kind of desperation. It’s not something I ever want to experience, but in a lot of ways, I wonder if I need that experience. I’m not sure that in the course of the comfortable life that I live, if I’ll ever be pressed hard enough to take the necessary risks in life. And that scares me.
TSOA is a journey — no, it’s a process — that helps me sort through the daily life-clutter in an effort to live the life of my dreams. I try to systematically check things off all the major milestones on the To-Do list of life. Optimistic? Maybe, but listen to this: Six years ago amidst a flurry of forgettable women, I was ready to find and fall in love with my soul mate. I was frustrated with the fleetingness and shallowness of three month relationships. I wanted to experience that perfect connection with someone else. Six years ago, TSOA helped me to focus on me. Only then, I figured, would I be capable of romantically investing myself into someone else. Let the record show that, five years ago, this actually (and amazingly) worked!
Now six years later, one engagement ring poorer, and an MBA richer, I’m kicking TSOA back into gear, looking for that same kind of focus, hoping for that same kind of success. I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as finding my fiancé Sarah (in fact, that search was incredibly easy, which, of course, is the beauty of it). What I’m looking for now is for those measly 40-60 hours that we all spend earning each week to mean something to me.
The crux. I want to be inspired at work.
Inspiration, to me, is like a drug. I don’t get runner’s high, but I get what I imagine is that same feeling when I’m working with people. No, it’s more when I’m talking with people — I guess I get conversation high. I love the back and forth, the engagement between two people passionately speaking about the same topic. I like to argue, debate, incite, and enrage. I’m one of the most pure instigators that you will ever find. I push buttons. It’s what I do.
I’ve had some of the most rewarding conversations in my life as a result of this - as well as some of the most ridiculous, friendship-threatening fights. I can only imagine that the rest of you feel a similar rush when in involved in whatever-gets-you-going.
My guess is that creation inspires all of us. Making something out of nothing. For lack of a better way to define myself, I am inspired by the creation of collaboration, whether it be in a simple conversation or in business. I am inspired by the exchange of ideas. I like to communicate. Someone once referred to me as The Great Communicator, and I’d be lying if that didn’t put a huge smile on my face.
This is how I ended up getting my MBA and turning towards business development. I needed to be creating something, and in lieu of having my own business, I had to settle for creating business for others. This job necessitates that I interact and get engaged with…others. I talk on the phone, send emails, and when things are really humming, I get to sit in meetings all day and brainstorm strategies. In a lot of ways, even I admit, that I’m close to where I want (need) to be.
So close, but yet so far. In the same way that I’m capable of arguing about things I could care less about (ask my fiancé), I certainly don’t get the same enjoyment. Like most, I crave the ability to deal with only that which inherently interests me. I am very good at selling software, but I’m not inspired by the product, and it can be a daily grind for me to feign the amount of interest necessary to sell it on a day-to-day schedule. As you can see, I still have my work cut for me.
My horoscope today:
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): An architect was once quoted as saying: “Play is what I do for a living; the work comes in organizing the results of the play.” Make this your guiding principle in the coming weeks, Scorpio. Ask the universe to give you lots of opportunities to mess around and improvise blithely and resurrect your playing-in-the-sandbox consciousness. Come up with good excuses to let your attention wander and explore previously off-limits fun and games. A few weeks from now, you can begin organizing all the good ideas that your frisky experiments will generate between now and then.
I know there are people out there who have found success by doing what they love. I intend to become one of those people. That is why I’m focusing on TSOA. This, in theory, will act as my ground zero.
Congratulations. I’m one step closer to hitting bottom.