The Tale of the Tommy: 2005
11 competitors awoke with the sun on September 4th, their blood already pumping for the day’s events. Later that afternoon, with the roast cooking over the open fire at one end and the wind coming off the lake at the other end, they would face each other on the badminton court. The winner would walk away not only with $110. And not only with this year’s Thomas Callahan Badminton Trophy. But more importantly, the winner would walk away with 365 days worth of bragging rights.
Which in the Callahan/Attridge family is beyond value.
Pre-Game Excitement
As always, the tournament began with an argument. The fiercely competitive Brendan Callahan and Stephanie Coats raged against the bracket arrangement, but after a “little discussion” with the self-elected tournament commissioner, Shawn Callahan, they cooled down and the tournament was able to get underway on schedule.
The First Round
The tournament opened with a father-son match-up: Wayne Attridge against his second-born, Patrick Attridge (see photo). Wayne-O did his best, trying his best to outthink his opponent, but his wisdom couldn’t stand strong against Patrick’s quickness. Patrick’s nose for the shuttlecock, which earned him the trophy in a past year, moved him into the second round.
Kevin Callahan took on Michael Attridge in the first round. Though Callahan is almost twice Atrridge’s age, the latter’s lumbering agility made this an even match. They traded points back and forth throughout the entire match, but in the end, Callahan had the extra point he needed to proceed.
The third match of the day saw tournament commissioner, Shawn Callahan, face the tooth-grinding and claw-slashing Stephanie Coats in her rookie appearance. Again, there was a large age difference between the competitors, with Callahan holding almost a full decade of badminton experience over Coats. Coats, however, is a veteran marathon runner, and her natural agility made up for whatever she lacked in experience. Also, Callahan was notorious for losing in the first round. Las Vegas had all they needed to put their bets on the younger and quicker Coats.
But as the Patriots showed in 2001, Vegas is not always right. What they didn’t know was that Coats was a walking ball of stress due to the upcoming Bingo Tournament, which would occur later that night. Her head just wasn’t in the game. And Callahan took the match.
The fourth match saw past champion, Darby Attridge, facing the underrated (and under-appreciated) Grace Callahan. In 2004, Callahan had surprised all of her critics by making into the semifinals, and she was determined to go even further in 2005. Attridge, however, had an unkind heart, and at the end of the match, Callahan had to walk away in shame.
The first round was repeatedly interrupted by an individual who the press is calling, The Rainbow Runner (see photo). While the crowd enthusiastically celebrated the comic relief provided by the Rainbow Runner, some contestants speculate that the commissioner hired her to screw with their momentum. For now, the Rainbow Runner isn’t telling why she did what she did. Perhaps when she learns to talk there will be an answer. But then again, maybe not.
Imagine a battle scene from Braveheart. The camera swirls and sweeps over the entire field, swooping in at critical moments to focus on two specific fighters, showing us that, within a larger battle, there is always a more fierce, private battle. Which brings us to the last match of the first round, the much anticipated Melee of the Moms.
Connie Callahan and Kathy Attridge, both matriarchs of their respected families, were playing for the right to be Queen Bee of Camp VodkaTonic upon Bunganut. Desiring a fair match between the women of advanced ages, the Commissioner issued oversized rackets to each of the materfamilias. The conflict was more brutal than expected. The oversized rackets made the damage inflicted that much more oversized. When the smoke cleared, Callahan stood with one victorious white sneaker on Atrridge’s chest. And the first round was over.
The Second Round
The first match of the second round saw ancient rivals, Darby Attridge and Kevin Callahan (see photo), squaring off in the badminton rectangle. Bad blood lay between them. Rumor has it that, when Attridge was just three years old and Callahan was almost forty, the older man bet the little boy that Swampscott would defeat Marblehead in the Turkey Day Classic. It seemed like an easy bet for Callahan. Not only was Attridge barely out of diapers, but the Marblehead football team was, as usual, less than stellar. Years later, a defensive coordinator for the team, Jim Rudloff, would sum up Marblehead’s typical gridiron experience:
You like your jersey, like your wristbands, like your face paint, but you don’t want to hit anyone. Then, later on, you realize, ‘Oh, I’m not hurt. It doesn’t hurt to hit people.’ And it’s too late. It’s pathetic…, but that’s Marblehead football.
Sure enough, Swampscott took the day and Callahan took the little child’s money. Almost two decades later, Attridge still thirsted for revenge.
The older, slower, blinder, less agile, fifty-eight-year-old Callahan was no match for the twenty-two-year-old Atrridge. The young man in the prime of his life (see photo) cracked the whip over the gray-haired back of the elderly Callahan. The old man could only gasp for breath, sweat profusely, and count the seconds until he could put down his racket and pick up his vodka tonic. In short, Attridge pulverized the fella and tasted the sweetness of a revenge that was almost two decades in the planning.
The second match of the second round saw last year’s champion, Brendan Callahan, who had received the bye in the first round, facing off against his poor, defenseless mommy. While her other sons may have been more compassionate and been willing to ease their own sense of competition to help their devoted mother proceed into the finals, her middle child, the uber-competitive Brendan (see photo)
, wasn’t about to let the fact that this loving and dedicated woman had given birth to him, fed him, clothed him, and given him everything divert his focus on repeating as badminton champion. Mrs. Callahan walked away almost in tears. The crowd was silent. There was no joy on Lake Bunganut at the end of that match.
The next heat of the second round was the Commissioner, Shawn Callahan, against Patrick Attridge. Callahan came out of the gate running, up 5-0 on the first five serves. But his advanced age of thirty-six couldn’t keep up the momentum. Patrick climbed out of the hole and handily defeated the older man.
At the end of the second round, only those players who had previously went home with the Tommy Trophy were left.
The War of The Champions
Because of the odd number of players, it was decided prior to the tournament that last year’s champ, Brendan Callahan, would not only get the bye in the first round, but he would also have to be defeated twice. In the first match, he wrangled with Darby. The score went back and forth like a shuttlecock over a badminton net. The sleeker Callahan was up, then the more powerful Attridge. Then Callahan. Then Attridge. Then Callahan. Then Attridge. Then…the match was over.
And Attridge was still on top (see photo). Callahan had his first loss.
Which meant that the brother would strive against brother for the right to compete in the championship match. Their mother and father each silently picked a favorite, but would make no comment to the press about which child each was rooting for. Their older brother, Michael, who had been eliminated in the first round, made no bones about who he wanted to win: neither of them. While the shuttlecock flew, Michael prayed for rain.
Being a few years older, Patrick had the extra experience he needed to win. Being a few years younger, Darby had the agility. Similar to the game before it, the score flip-flopped more than a Democrat. The crowd’s enthusiasm escalated with each change in the lead. Mama Attridge couldn’t bear to watch. Papa Attridge stared in silence, his emotions protected from the perspective of the crowd. With just a few points to go, one of the brothers took the lead. The crowd went wild! The other brother tried to come back, screaming with each hit, running from line to line, diving for each seemingly-out-of-reach serve. But he just couldn’t do it. In the end, experience triumphed over agility.
Patrick would go head-to-head with Brendan in the championship match. The winner would walk away with $110. The Thomas Callahan Badminton Trophy. And enough bragging rights to last through Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and countless birthdays.
The loser would walk away in disgrace.
The Championship Round
Patrick Attridge is 26 years old. He stands around 5′10″. He weighs in at about 187 lbs. During the day, he builds houses with his bare hands. During the nights, he eats children chased with tequila. He fears no man, woman, or wolf. He is a warrior.
Brendan Callahan is 31 years old. He stands around 5′9″ and weighs in around 170 lbs. During the day, he plays with children at a summer camp. During the nights, he sits on the couch and watches the O.C. He’s enjoys a fine red wine. He is domesticated.
The first serve came as the sun skimmed the horizon. The Commissioner had decreed that the match would continue regardless of darkness. “This is an outdoor court,” he said, “And the players have to adjust for the natural conditions.”
The shuttlecock flew through the evening light like a distant comet. The players could see it, but it took all of their concentration. Brendan took an early lead, but Patrick climbed his way out of the cellar. With each serve, he came closer and closer to the coveted championship trophy. As the sun set, Patrick served his final serve. Brendan dove for it, but his advanced age had stolen the oomph! he had in previous tournaments.
And Patrick walked away as the 2005 Thomas Callahan Badminton Champion.
